How to spot a cheating spouse

As we get older, we change. Our outlook on life can become less rosy. Our job may not offer the same prospects anymore. We feel that life has passed us by. Our marriage has become routine, something's missing we don't do anything rashly, on impulse anymore. And when was the last time you bought your partner a present that wasn't iron or a saucepan, and when did you last prepare a special meal as a precursor to a night of passion?

The fact is we change

The downside of life's experience is that we gain experience over time, time to look back on and see past mistakes, lost opportunities. This is when marriages come under threat. Both partners have become stuck in a "comfort zone", and one, (sometimes both), decides life has passed them by, and they want to do something about it.

What are the tell-tale signs that you need to know to spot a cheating spouse?

Signs of cheating

Well, the signs are basically the same for men as they are for women, especially now that both parties to a marriage often go out to work.

A lot of e-books will tell you that a change of appearance or a partner taking more pride in their appearance is often a sign of cheating. This may be the case, but be careful here. One comedian said, "When you get to 40, you go to your wardrobe, and it's like someone's nicked your dress sense!" Men, in particular, are prone to this "midlife crisis". They suddenly feel that they are getting older, and need to change their image a bit (others just grow old disgracefully and keep wearing the teenager's shirts!). So changing one's appearance may not be anything to do with cheating, however, wearing cologne for the first time may be!

Of course, spotting a cheating spouse goes further than clothes. Again, a lot of people will tell you that lack of sex drive is a definite clue. The problem with that is, particularly as we approach 40 and beyond, a lot of men (who attain their sexual peak at about 25 as opposed to 35-40 for women), are under huge amounts of pressure and stress at work, and their libido is vastly reduced.

So, the two perhaps most obvious "clues" as to how to catch a cheating spouse are not the things you should be looking at first and foremost.

When you are married to someone, it's reasonable to assume that you know them pretty well. The tell-tale signs of a cheating spouse are the little things - do they look you in the eye and tell you that they love you. How do they react to a gentle cuddle in bed? Do they appear evasive and secretive (this is far more important a clue than lack of sex drive or buying new clothes!).

  • Psychology